


Peanut, Peanut Butter... and Jollies

by BandraK



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Smut-adjacent, Swan Queen - Freeform, Swen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-31 05:31:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3966208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BandraK/pseuds/BandraK
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma's pantry raid becomes a raid on Regina's panties.</p><p>That's it, folks. That's the plot. No smut but innuendo galore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No Artificial Colours or Preservatives

“Babe, where’s the peanut butter?”

Regina looked up from her copy of the Daily Mirror and sighed softly to herself as she watched Emma’s ransacking of the cupboard disrupt her careful organization yet again.

“You’ve moved it three times, Dear.”

“What?” Emma glanced towards her girlfriend sitting at the kitchen table in confusion then back at the thoroughly randomized contents of the cupboard before letting out a sigh of her own. “No, I mean the good stuff.”

“So do I.” Regina replied, a smile playing over her lips as she turned back to the paper and the article she’d been reading.“

"The real peanut butter.”

Regina didn’t look up as she turned the page. "There’s nothing but peanuts in that peanut butter.“

"Regina.”

“Emma.”

A huff from across the kitchen added to Regina’s smile. The sound of jars and bottled being shuffled yet again her only reply.

Another sigh followed a few seconds later, then the scrap of a chair being pulled away from the table. The top of her paper dipped down as Emma hooked it with her finger and pulled it out of the way so she could look Regina in the eye. “Please, Regina. I know you got a bottle of it, you always do.”

“And you always eat it by, quite literally, the container.” Regina shuffled her paper to try and free it from Emma’s hold then let it fall back to the table when that didn’t work. “The other kind is healthier.”

“Yeah but you’ve got to stir it up for forever or you end up with either a pile of oily goop or a rock hard lump by the end of the jar and my stuff tastes better.”

“Your ‘stuff’ tastes of sugar and preservatives, Dear.”

“Yeah,” Emma flashed Regina a grin that both infuriated the older woman and made her fall in love with the blonde all over again, “like I said, better.”

“You’re hopeless, you know that?”

“Mmhmm.” Emma nodded as she leaned back into her seat, still smiling.

Regina took a breath, then rolled her eyes as she picked her paper back up. “It’s in the pantry, underneath the potato chips you don’t think I know about.”

A bashful Emma’s face slipped over the top of the paper and dove in to place a quick kiss against Regina’s lips. “Thanks, babe.”

“And don’t call me Babe, you know how I feel about that.” Regina protested halfheartedly as she dipped her paper to watch Emma head towards the pantry, her gaze lingering on the jean clad bottom of her partner in magic and life.

“Yeah, you love it. Just like you love my-”

“Emma!”

“Tell me I’m wrong.” Emma called over her shoulder as she stepped into the pantry. “We’ll see if I’m wrong.”

Regina shook her head and turned back to her paper. “Hopeless.” She mumbled. Her earlier smile returned to her lips and she folded up the paper and pushed it away before heading for the cupboard Emma had left open. Her hand quickly closed around the jar of peanut butter the blonde had rejected and the other made short work of finding a spoon.

“Emma, dear.” She called out over the sounds of the other woman rummaging through the remains of another once perfectly organized system.

“Yeah?” Emma’s head popped into view, followed by the rest of her. A now open bag of chips in one hand and the jar of her preferred peanut butter tucked under the other arm.

Regina’s grin turned into a smirk. “I’m heading upstairs to enjoy my peanut butter,” she said as she ran the bowl of her spoon over the skin exposed by the several undone buttons on her top, “if you’d like to join me, I’m sure we can find a way to share.”

The brunette had to swallow a triumphant cackle as she watched the shiver that ran through Emma. 

“Regina.”

“Yes Dear?”

“That’s not fair.”

“Well Emma,” Regina pushed her self away from the counter, her heels clicking steadily as she headed for the exit, “I am the evil Queen.” She paused in the doorway and turned to face Emma. “Besides, all’s fair in love and war… and I do so love my peanut butter.”

She didn’t make it three steps towards the stairs when the sound of chips and jar hitting the floor filled her ears.

“I am so going to get you back for this.” Emma hissed as she scooped Regina into her arms.

“That, babe,” Regina said, slipping the spoon into Emma’s mouth, “is what I’m hoping.”


	2. Smooth to the Last Drop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Snack time" done, Emma has to deal with a teasing Regina and a curious Henry.

“We are never getting that out of the sheets” Emma said as she scratched at one of the many spots of peanut oil that now stained Regina’s third favourite set of bedding. She turned her gaze to the brunette who was in the process of buttoning up a fresh top. “But it was totally worth it.”

“Mmm, yes it was.” Regina turned and leaned towards Emma, one hand used to prop herself above the ruined blankets as she pressed her lips against the blondes. “Thankfully, my dear, we can have our cake and eat it too.” Her free hand gave a little wave and a thin purple mist rose from the mattress, swirled around their bodies for a moment, then faded to reveal pristine linens. “Or peanut butter as the case maybe.”

Emma’s reply of ‘cheater’ was cut short by another kiss from Regina but her whimper when her girlfriend pulled away was crystal clear. “Why are you leaving? We just got fresh sheets to mess up. We can even use my peanut butter this time.”

Regina shook her head. “I think we’ve both had our fill for now, Emma. Henry will be home soon.”

A small grumble came from the woman on the bed before she tossed off the blanket that half covered her naked form. “No fair using the kid to get out of trying my peanut butter.” Emma shot over her shoulder as she bent over to retrieve her jeans from under the bed. “I ate yours.”

“Yes, you certainly did.” Regina replied, her voice at once lecherous and wistful. “Several times in fact.”

Emma froze with her pants drawn half way up one leg and fought back the red tide washing over her cheeks. “Dammit Regina.”

“Language, Miss Swan. Or I’ll have to find something to wash your mouth out with.”

Emma turned and leapt, determined to bring Regina down onto the mattress to make good her promise only to have her grasping hands pass through another cloud of purple smoke.

“SO NOT FAIR!” She shouted at their bedroom door, then rolled onto her back, her fists striking the mattress in frustration. “So not fair.” Emma took a deep breath then sat up and resumed getting dressed. 

She was still plotting her revenge several minutes later as she reached the bottom of the stairs with the empty organic peanut butter jar in one hand – just in time to meet Henry as he came rushing in through the front door.

“Hey Mom.” He dropped his book bag onto the floor, coat half off as he wrapped his arms around her waist for a quick hug. “What’s up with the bottle? I though you liked the other stuff.”

Emma quickly brought the bottle behind her back and ruffled Henry’s hair with her other hand – much to her son’s dismay. “You need a haircut, kid.”

“It’s fine.” Henry replied as he tried to smooth out his shaggy locks while ignoring his mother’s obvious attempt to change the subject. “So long as people don’t go around messing it up.

Emma’s empty hand made a feint towards his hair again and Henry covered his head with both arms to protect himself.

"If you two are done playing,” Regina said, her tone lighter than the stern look she had fixed on her face, “Henry, don’t leave your book bag there, take it up to your room like I’ve told you to a thousand times.”

“Yes Mom.” Henry turned, arms still over his head, and headed back to grab his bag. He made a wide circle around Emma – who did her best to look both innocent and harmless – to give Regina a hug of her own before he headed upstairs.

“Emma ate all your peanut butter.” He stage whispered into Regina’s ear as he kept his eyes fixed on his other mother. “And she’s trying to hide it.”

“Is she now.” Regina replied, levelling a look at Emma herself that left the blonde in awe of the brunette’s self control. “I suppose we should be happy that she’s finally paying attention to what she puts in her mouth.”

Emma’s jaw dropped. “Regina!”

“Something you’d like to say, Dear?”

Emma glanced between her son and her girlfriend, the empty jar still hidden behind her back gaining several tonnes in the time it took before she gave a quick shake of her head.

“I thought not.” Regina’s passive face finally cracked into a triumphant grin and Emma bit down on her tongue as Regina shooed Henry towards the staircase with instructions to get a start on his homework. The Saviour only daring to make eye contact with her girlfriend after she heard Henry’s bedroom door close.

“I can’t believe you-”

“Really, Dear? As I’ve told you already today, all’s fair in love and war. Besides, you did ruin my sheets.”

“Our sheets. And you helped.” Emma’s angry scowl curled into a smirk. “Several times in fact.”

“True.” Regina crossed the distance between them and linked her hands behind Emma’s neck where her fingers began to toy with the other woman’s soft curls. She bent her head closer, her lips just shy of Emma’s. “But I’m, still not letting any of that candy you call peanut butter near my mouth or my bed.”

“Yo-”

The empty jar bounced off the hardwood floor as Emma wrapped her arms around Regina’s waist and pulled the other woman closer as she deepened their kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> A while (read year) ago I decided to try my hand at some tumblr Once Upon a Time rp-ing... one account didn't work out so much so I started posting OUAT fanfic there instead; never intending to post them here. Going over the account today and changed my mind.
> 
> So here they are (separately, mind you, not all together), with some minor editing (and titles too; fancy, fancy titles). Enjoy. ;D
> 
> This was born out of pure and utter randomness (and a long standing argument with select members of my family).


End file.
